The Highlight Reel

Easy, there, Turbo -- Get your mind out of the gutter! Not THAT kind of highlight reel...(but 'Couples Retreat' was a hilarious movie, awkward references and gratuitous backfat aside.)

Since I'm more consistent at studying than I am blogging...(brownie points for the RIGHT order???)...let's recap the 2009 Plays of the Year.

And by 'year,' I mean 'since my last installment on this Swiss cheese block I call a blog.'

EARNED MY WHITE COAT!

That's right, Folks. This meaningless, ceremonial act of minionism hereby bequeaths upon us the authority to, uhh, wear a white coat, while we awkwardly perform our first pelvic exams and hernia checks on paid actors, ALL with quasi-professionalism!!!...???...

Oh. Plus it makes us act more mature. Riiiiiiight.

HAD A BIRTHDAY!

Nothing helps you celebrate your whitetrash roots like a hearty dose of MY DREAM CAKE (Thanks, Katie!), demolition derby championships, and Swine Flu via a trip to the State Fair! Hands-down the best birthday I've had ALL YEAR!!! I've come a long way in 26 years...

Not really. I'd still sell what's left of my soul for those SUH-WEET specs!

Oh, and for those who persist in asking where my kids got their blonde hair:

FOR THE LAST TIME, I USED TO BE BLONDE!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, back at the blog...

WENT TO MY 10 year high school reunion! GO COYOTES!!!

(L->R: Me, Lisa, Rebecca & Kacie)

Equal parts thrilled to see my best friends from my past, tickled frickin' fuschia to weigh less than I did when I graduated (...& yet, no pic sans buffalo biceps?! What's that about?!), and heartbroken/entertained by my drunken classmates, trapped in their respective stages of accepting that they peaked in high school. There. I said it. C'mon, we were ALL thinkin' it!

WENT TO CALIFORNIA!!!

(L->R: Courtney, Noelle & Baylie.)

Saw cousins and my Bobbie Dearest, who live in Rancho Cucamonga (LA). Had my dad's planner stolen. No worries, though. It only held EVERYTHING he owns of value, including his social security card, ALL bank cards, check book, temple recommend, account numbers, and the social security number of all of his children. Good times were had by all.

Eh. Silver linings, a-plenty, right? Like that I'm an insomniac, so I wouldn't have been sleeping anyway, had I NOT been on hold with all the credit reporting agencies to put a block on my SSN. My poor dad, though! Almost feel as bad for the dirty thief/thieves who'll be eternally Hades-incinerated for buying a welder on his Home Depot card. Hope their most critical welds fail them at the most inopportune moment. RRRGH!!!

WENT TO UTAH!!!

If you squint your eyes and cross your fingers and click your heels three times and use your imagination (...you know, like my EKG professor tells me to when interpreting strips...to the tune of #32,500 a year tuition...AWESOME...), you can see my babies catching the first flakes of Noelle's first snow. Minutes later, the POURING ENSUED!!! Take my word for it. (As the sun shines fearlessly--misleadingly--in the photo.)

As much as I despise the state for stealing too many of my best friends and having the gloomy feel of a giant parking lot...some of its inhabitants are FANTABULOUS!!!

HUNG OUT WITH THE EVANSES!!!

We had a BLAST stayin' gold, rockin' Kari's grandma's house with our sparkling personalities and my killer sweet potato fries recipe. (C'mon, Gram-Grams, you know you loved us. Admit it.) Anecdotally, consult your friends before you cook something that no one in their family will eat. :0)

Sidenote: Egad, Crimony, and Hot dang! If you're a Surprise runner like me, you haven't run until you've tackled the inclines of Rancho Cucamonga, California and Brighton, Utah. With pharmaceutical assistance, the burn I feel is starting to fade...

HUNG OUT WITH THE MAUGHANS!!!

(NOT pronounced 'maw-OO-guh-hawn'...'cuz Cory's right: English IS hard!!!)

DANG, I miss them and our silly joint-family antics! Freaking peeing my pants with laughter. Ahh, good times with coagulated butt sauce. (I don't care. It was worth it to publish online, just to make Rachel laugh.)

Then they came and saw us!...aaaaand the creep-tastic look on Quinn's face almost made me pee my pants, yet again.

SAW NEW MOON!!!

Fo reals, yo, it's all about the company you keep. Kari & Rachel, you're the reason for any/all warm fuzzies surrounding the flick.

The movie was, well, rich in comedic value, as was the first. I have to say how impressed I am that, on such a modest budget, they snagged a Wayans brother fresh of the set of 'White Chicks' to play Rosalie.

SERIOUSLY!!! Tell me I'm NOT the only one who sees this!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCORED NEW TUNAGE!!!

It was with a heavy heart that I composed yet another Craigslist ad and sold my beloved iPod...

...because I had to UPGRADE!!!

...To the 160G iPod!!!

...Jason got me for Christmas!!!

...Early!!!

CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT?!?!

...Because I've been collecting on my own (Thanks Cory & Wal-Mart)...

...and because my very dear PA school friend, Chad, hooked me up with a plethora of musical deliciousness. (Chad, if you ever marry, have that vasectomy reversed, and need a surrogate because your wife is unable to bear you children, you just let me know.)

Drum roll, please...I now have...wait for it...~36G of music. Nothing like exorcising the demons in your current collection with some fresh blood. (Dang, I could really go for a super-smiley emoticon right now.)

GOT PULLED OVER...WHILE I WAS RUNNING!!!

Seriously, Officer Potbelly von BaldyMcNothingBetterToDo. Cut the crap. By telling me how I was 'violating city code' and other such nonsense, you "singlehandedly made real criminals' lives easier." -Officer Buhanan. Back all up off my nighttime-running-in-reflective-gear grill. Deuces.

MADE J'S CHRISTMAS WISH COME TRUE!!!

OK, so he had to work two months worth of overtime, and we spent an entire Saturday resurrecting a Franken-center for it:

(Before)

(After)

...SonOfA..................The camera just misses ALL of the blood, sweat & tears, I tell you!

But my husband has what he's been wanting for years!! No...not a medicated wife. Okay. I guess he got his SECOND WISH then. Semantics.

Surefire way to get me to buy into anything? Put rappin' Johnny Mayer on it. Survey says......I'M IN!!!

...and speaking of deliciousness...Review of his new album, Battle Studies?

The best way I can sum it up is this:

• If you went to Wal-Mart, paid the $9 plus tax, peeled off the impenetrable wrappers, opened it up, pulled out the cover insert, and threw the rest away...it would still be worth what you paid for the sheer poetic value of the lyrics alone.

I don't know if I'm biased. (Okay. Strike that. Of course I am.) I don't know if I've just been abysmally depressed because of the most difficult experiences of my life. (Translation: I am.) I don't know if we're just two peas in a tall, awkward, under-appreciated pod. But if it's possible to have a soul mate in a musician/artist, he's mine. That album...sigh...it's just SO VERY MUCH my life right now that if you buy it and aren't completely, 100% satisfied, I'll give you your money back...just to surround myself with the soundtrack of my 2009.

Some other must-have gems?

• The Script
• Parachute
• Telescope
• Wheat (Per Second, Per Second, Per Second...Every Second)
• Kings of Leon

*A word of caution: The aforementioned albums will incite...

PARTYING LIKE ROCK STARS!!!

Here's to having the entire year of 2010 to recover!

A Little Slice of Heaven

Orion.

"The Hunter."

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, a winter constellation.

(Taken in January, 2003, south of Phoenix.)

Shows up every year -- just before my birthday.

The "Orionoid Meteor Shower" peaks every year -- on my birthday -- sprinkling the sky with up to 20 meteors per hour.

On the belt slung around his waist -- a mark I wear in three different places -- he wears his sword.

The red dot mid-sword isn't a star at all, but a stellar nursery, known as the Great Nebula of Orion.

I guess everyone has something special that makes them feel linked to something beyond this world...something bigger than themselves.

Sometimes it's easy to forget that there's something bigger going on. A Grander Plan. Something to look for beyond the momentary collective downpour beneath the clouds that gather, exactly over our heads, whenever they feel like it.

For me, I see a little pattern, repeated on myself, in the heavens above, every year, around the time when God thought I should give this crazy-train we call mortality a try. A pretty self-absorbed way of thinking about it, I guess.

But maybe I see it backward. Maybe it's a pattern of Heaven He stamped me with. Just to remind me. Because sometimes we forget.

ES MUY, MUY DIVERTIDA!!!

Ever notice that the Spanish word for 'fun' is pretty much 'diversion?'

This has been another...



This past week, my family and I ENJOYED!!! (and there simply aren't enough syllables in 'enjoyed') some time together and AWAY from any and all medical school-type facilities, in their entirety. CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!!!

We:

Cleaned our house better than it has been since we moved in. Didn't last long. Wah-WAAAHHH!!!

Met Hubby Dearest for lunch on Monday--sans children. SWEET VICTORY!!! Hmm. Sweet & Sour Chicken, too, now that I mention it. NOT one of the Top 100, incidentally. ;0) (Inside joke just went outside, just for you, Bubba.)

Pulled Quinn out of school and met Daddy for lunch at Oregano's in Tempe. BEST DINING EXPERIENCE EVER! Take your kids. They give the weasels pizza dough to play with. Brilliant!

Chicken Pesto Stuffed Pizza. Excuse me while I blot the keyboard dry.....................

Half Chocolate, Half Peanut Butter Pizookie with Ice Cream. Seriously. I'm gonna short this thing out.

Got Noelle's ears pierced. I KID YOU NOT when I tell you the broad didn't cry. Didn't get scared. Didn't even budge. She sat there like a statue and afterward, simply asked, "Do I look beautiful?" Sweet Thang, you've never needed accessories for that. Make no mistake.

My brother, Paul, and I 'broke in' (ok, the straight-laced, Mormon version -- aka we had keys and permission from the vice principal) to a school pool, reminisced by lapping it up old school, and played around in true Miller fashion in the diving well. (Wuumpa would've been so proud.) I'm pretty sure we did dives that have never before been attempted...on purpose...and with good reason...

WENT TO THE LAKE!!! Hand on all religious texts, one of my FAVORITE things to do!

Look at that. Just like her momma. Only has cleavage with lifevest assistance. Wah-WAAAHHHH!!!

Took my best PA school friend, Cassi, along for the ride (of her life). Did a little racing. And I skied for the first time this year! How 'bout Ski90X?

And that's the last anyone ever saw of my beloved sunglasses. (Cue the single, solitary tear.)

The moral of the story? Never trust your valuables to a friend's cleavage...however ample it may be. (...Jealous much, Mandie???...)

But I digress.

ANYHOO!!!...Then we hit up Ben Avery to warm up some Christmas gifts that, even Cousin Eddie would agree, "Keep on givin' the whole year 'round."

WOOH! Mommy like!

Not bad for my first time and at 100 yards.

Guess the camerapunk was feeling lucky.

Hmmm. Actually, no. It wasn't cold outside. At all. Try again.

(J/K, J-dogg. Aunt Dani's tiny little pocket pistol surprisingly packed a punch! Still. It made me picture a tiny Zoolander School for Midgets Who Can't Shoot Good.)

Merry Christmas to ME!

"Check the schematics on this baddawg."

All fleshwounds aside, this week's been spectacularly, gloriously, memorably diverting. Now. To hold my breath until I surface again in Mid-November. :0)

Playing Catch-Up

As is the standard with my journaling...(because embracing the truth is sooo this week)...my performance is spotty, at best. (But what I lack in time I make up for in charisma, right?!)

In the past month, we've:

Welcomed a new baby cousin, Parker (born to J's sister, Katie, and hubby, Dan):

Kicked it Al Bundy Style:


(He's just missing the tiny feline pants down which to stick his uncivilized paw, but that's another day, another PhotoChop session altogether.)

Geeze, Buddha, I was only KIDDING about borrowing the remote. Seriously. Cats these days.

Celebrated our Handsome Man-Son turning seven.

(Sorry. Only good moms have a comprehensive shenanigans portfolio).

And to reward my favorite person in the world (I gotta hand it to me), I hatched one seriously sneaky birthday ploy. Yeah, there's just nothin' like the element of surprise...

• Drove to Flagstaff, leaving about 40 degrees Farenheit in the dust,


• Surprised him with an iPod docking station,


• Went out to a fabulous Thai dinner (Thanks for the restaurant tip, Mike & Jenny! Zagats my arse!),


• Caught a late movie,


• TAGALONG BLIZZARD @ DAIRY QUEEN (...Me? Obsessed with peanut butter-laced ice cream?! Surely you jest...),


• SLEPT IN (Only slightly lower on the Euphoria Scale than the Tagalong Blizzard),


• and enjoyed our time thoroughly.

Happy Birthday, Bubba. And good luck topping that. ;0)

Old Love...New Flame

I have a confession to make.

My name is Mandie, and I'm a Tunes-a-holic.

Now, I could sit here and type something witty about 'admission being the first step toward recovery,' but let's be honest: I'd be much better served by showering instead. (Praise Cisco Systems; you can't detect scents over the Web.)

Enduring this rather tricky (...yeah, that's the word...) time in our lives, I find I don't have the time for life's most basic functions. You know, like tweezing the six eyebrow-hairs I've got, or updating this mess.

One thing I made time for tonight, though, was the search for a Long-lost Love.

About five years ago ('cuz I dig ballparkin'), John Mayer (one of my all-time favorite artists) and Brad Paisley (an exceptionally talented guitarist/country artist...and alarmingly classy guy) got together for a performance. A performance I used to have on tape. But lost in the move. And cried about it. (How I wish I were joking here.)

But thanks to the JOYOUS advent of Youtube!!!...here's the audio! A bunch of their songs were keepers, but this was, by far, my favorite. I mean, c'mon -- cover a CLASSIC, soulful, positively chest-trampling song of Eric Clapton's and you'll get EVERYONE'S attention.

Hoping you're as in love as I am...or at least acquiring a taste...

Talent Out Their Ears

...my brothers have it...

http://www.wannaberacing.net/woutlaw.html

One stipulation: ABSOLUTELY no laughing at their best-bro-fros...

The Purpose-Driven Blog

And I sit here, digging in my proverbial heels, procrastinating the sleep I so desperately need to get through tomorrow. Yep. Tomorrow. The day that my "legitimate" medical education begins (though the practical one started 12 years ago this September). I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! I start PA school tomorrow! Geeze, this is gonna be like the Uber-Mental-Ultra-Marathon of Doom! What the heck. I say, "Bring it." Show me a challenge, then watch me rock your faces off in amazement. ;0)

My friend, Erika, recently had her entire blog bound for posterity's sake, and it got my wheels turnin' (faster than usual -- but with actual direction this time!). I've journaled faithfully(-ish) since I was about the age of the average Hannah Montana fan. Sadly, once I got married, though, that went pretty much out the window...or it's just been teetering precariously... with about a dozen entries in the past eight years. (Hubby Dearest brags that it's because when I married him, all my dreams came true. Eh, I'll give him that. ;0)

But around New Year's time, I got to really thinking about the purpose of my journal and how to make the most of my entry time. It was then I realized this: if I want it to be useful to me (or my poor, unsuspecting posterity), I'll need to cut to the chase about WHAT I'VE LEARNED!!! Recently. In the past. Vicariously and through sad/happy/hilariously ironic, personal experience. Not exactly Pearls of Wisdom...maybe more like Pumice. OOH! Insightful AND exfoliating!

So here it is, folks: Life 101.

• Everyone needs an advocate. (This cruel world has enough critics, thank you very much.)
• Life is too short to own a David Spade movie.
• As a man(die) thinketh, SO IS (S)HE!
• Speak kindly. You never know who's defending you at this very moment.
• New razors are NOT my friend.
• Don't fear the mob. (Or the reaper. But a cowbell in the hands of Will Ferrell? Now that's something to fear.)
• The chance that your 3-year-old will splatter an entire Costco-sized vat of a greasy, smelly substance all over your house is inversely proportional to the number of minutes since you scrubbed that house clean.
• An experience is only bad if the lesson(s) went unlearned.
• Practice makes permanent.
• I run exactly like a lumberjack with a rash.
• Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and self-defeat are nothing more than a jealous Satan working overtime.
• Swimming is fun...unless you're a cell phone.
• While we're on the subject, Bella Dunkerella, electronic devices do NOT get thirsty. Ever.
• Never underestimate Satan's craftiness.
• It's not old people's fault. Sometimes they buy the car with the signal already on.
• If less is more, think of how much more more would be.
• Shampoo your carpets and you'd best prepare to clean up the ensuing pet barf.
• The hardest climbs often bring the greatest perspective.
• Journaling is cathartic. So is burning the bad parts.
• We are REQUIRED to forgive all men.
• Wanna serve the community? Avoid creating or perpetuating drama!
• The only people who can be trusted 100% are immortal.
• Before you despise someone for something about them, make sure you don't share that quality.
• I don't care what Disneyland attraction your head is shaped like: Bic'n it is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS superior to a comb-over.
• If you can only find one person in the world you can trust, make sure it's your spouse.
• Time only heals what you let it.
• Become a mom and you'd better be prepared to become a milk factory, a deflated off-road tire, late to everything, a binky, a broken record, a road hazard, a Nazi, a 24-hour on-call maidservant, a buzzkill, a sounding board and a launch pad. Often simultaneously. (Oh, and the happiest, most joyous, most eternally fulfilled person in the world.)
• If a liar tells the truth in the woods and no one is around to hear it, would anyone have believed it anyway?
• Satan can mimic everything but peace.
• Hair growth follows gravity along the path of least resistance, old dude in the line at the grocery store. If you're missing it on your scalp, plan on mowing it out of other orifices.
• There is no limit to the power of positive reinforcement. (This works as well for 4-year-olds as it does 49-year-olds.)
• Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
• Good music is just as medicinal as laughter.
• Wouldn't you rather love someone more than they deserve than short them where they earned it?

Yeah. That sounds like a decent running start for now. So, lay some of your gems on us!

"It's okay, Mom..."

"...I'm dus' covering my moles wif my hands."

DOH!!!

Does This Drag Boat Make Me Look Fat???

• Screaming across glassy water at downright irresponsible speeds, risking (at the least) imminent bodily harm.
• Anchoring myself to the steering wheel like a hostage wired to a bomb clutches the motion-sensitive detonator.
• Snickering at the epileptic tach needle as it mirrors my uncontrollable bouncing over even the slightest trail of "lake lice" (you may refer to them as jet skis).
• Wondering how effective "racing shoes" really are at being life-saving flotation devices. (Yeah, still not buying that one.)

All for a rush that makes my cheeks burn with excitement, my abs sore from uproarious laughter, and my dreams ring with the sound of a surprisingly throaty little 350 that packs a punch.

___________________________________________________

What's not to love?!?

___________________________________________________

Plus I giggled like a school girl in pigtails...wait a minute, I was wearing pigtails...when I stood up out of the carbon fiber sliver, unstrapped my helmet from my harness, pulled off the helmet, peeled off the "sock" (more sweat-net than anything), shook my hair out -- and a boat full of boys, their dad, and their grandpa, stared until the youngest boy shrieked:

"WHOOOOOAH!! That's a GIRL drivin' that thing?!?!"

Believe it, cutie. Mission accomplished. :0)

Mad props (Haha!!! Get it?! Props? 'Cuz boats, and, um, yeahhhh.....) to my brother, Paul, who's teaching me (select bits of) everything he knows, and for my brother, Buzzz, who slaved with Paul over the Money Monster for more months than they care to count.

Seriously. Nothing says love like letting your little sister race your prized possession.

Plus I think the family had fun chillin' on shore.

Now THAT's my idea of a Friday.

The Cutest Bug On The Block

Today, my baby turns three! (Interesting mix of emotions there.)

Just when you think your bugster can't get any cuter, you uncover a long-forgotten gem:



HAPPY BIRTHDAY, QUINSTERELLA!!! I LOVE YOU!!! I speak for Daddy and Big Brutha Squid when I say that you have made my life and my world brighter than I ever thought possible.

Highway to the Danger Zone...and tax-free commissary!

Perhaps when I start referencing Kenny Loggins soundtrack songs as blog titles, it's time to rethink this blogging thing altogether. ;0)

A few weekends ago, we fired up the Silver Hornet (two points for IDing that movie reference!) and headed to Tucson to see one of my very best friends in the whole wide world, Stephanie, and her daughter, Hannah, and husband, James. You see, I'm a great friend (clearing my throat) and have been many (zero, zip, nada) times to see her new house (that she's lived in for over two years now. But in my defense, gas had been ridiculous, schedules conflicted, my shoe came untied, and the sun was in my eyes.)

Friday night, we slept in the COOLEST LOFT OF ALL TIME, custom-build by her handy hubby, James. Can't wait to go back there! It's like a top-secret fort for grown-ups with a real mattress, total isolation from light, and a step ladder prohibiting the post-midnignt, "Mom, can I sleep in your bed," shenanigans.

Saturday morning, I had a downright ethereal experience running through the streets of Tucson with a crisp, clean breeze, the scent of Citrus and Mesquite blossoms in the air...and a million other people running, too! (Evidently Tucsonians have the most fun...so much for that theory about blondes.)

We then rushed to a farmer's market to meet up with our friend, Allison, whose fiance grows and sells his own organic produce. It's amazing! (Who knew lettuce could taste like butter?! I was running faster and jumping higher less than one hour after my salad, and I think it even lowered my cholesterol AND my interest rate.)

(L->R: Stephanie, me & Allison.)

Little known fact: the last time I saw Allison was the weekend of me and my husband's first date. Awwww with me now.

After a Bella-induced mad dash for a public restroom -- BTW, if you ever require facilities in downtown Tucson, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE!!! -- we headed to Davis-Monthan Air Force Base to see a friend of mine from high school (and growing up, for that matter), Jerome. He's a firefighter at the base......so we chillaxed (that's right -- I'm owning it, in print and everything) with him, his wife, Lori, and his son, Brayden.

Jerome was gracious enough to lead us on the COOLEST firehouse tour in the history of firehouses...mostly because we saw nearly every room......got to sit in every vehicle... ...suited up... ...heckled a firefighter doing girly sit-ups (no need to thank me, ladies -- just doing my job), and shot water scores of feet from a crash truck with a 3,300 gallon capacity. Yeah. Tell me you're not jealous.

The inside of the gazillion-dollar crash truck door.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for hilarious no-no demos. That's it. I'll collect them. Spice up the subtle hilarity that is this blog.

If you live in my ward, you'll know why I got a modest kick out of finding this island of familiarity in a sea of firehouse patches.

Label on a crate that could have easily once housed Madagascar's Gloria. (Equal parts freakin' sweet and perplexing. Do I want to see this on something involving my very own, personal military?!?)

Eh. HTML shoulder shrug. At least it breaks up the monotony of the often-karaoke-ed, never duplicated "Top Gun" song blaring through my head. I can thank the Foo Fighters for that.

..."Now you won't find me; I'm goin' MIA..."