Name That Arizona Cardinal!

Yes, it's that time again -- for all the fair-weather fans in Phoenix to Ti-Vo their beloved "Law & Order" and tune in to cheer on our (unusually) winning home team!

Now that the Cardinals are on their way to the SuperBowl, our trip to this year's Training Camp actually means something!

J works for University of Phoenix. U of P has naming rights to the Cardinals' stadium. Ergo, J entered a drawing to win VIP passes to the opening day of training camp in Flagstaff -- and he won!! (Good thing my tragically bad luck left him unscathed.)

Buffet spread like you've never seen, front-row seats, snapping pics of pro football players practicing 10' away, and a meet-and-greet session with a bunch of the players and coaches! As a native, it ROCKED!!!

The only problem is that their signatures left something to be desired...so I have no clue who some of these guys are! So if you've got a clue, may I borrow it?

(Allison Hackney, your time to shine, babe! :0)

Neil Rackers.

Slash HOTTIE! Hello! #1 on his jersey and, coincidentally, in my heart. So sweet! Hung out with us for about 15 minutes, walked out with us, warmed up my Sharpie on his skivvies...hmmmm...good times. (Insert witty remark about getting into a pro football player's pants...)

Matt Leinart.

Judging from his elation, think he had a premonition how this season was gonna go for him??? Srsly. Curb the 'tude, bro. Nobody liked you from the start.

Steven Spach.

Injured in body but not in teddy-bear cuddliness.

Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.

You know, I overheard Whisenhunt mention (after sizing me up against D) that they might want to sign me next year instead. Something about my superior linebacker arms.

Ken Whisenhunt, head coach.

Probably feeling bad about the whole "linebacker arms" thing. (Pity photo? Eh, I'll take it.)

Mystery Player #1

Mystery Player #2

(I'm not 100% convinced he's not, in fact, my Uncle Al...eerily familiar fu-man-chu...)

Mystery Player #3

(Hot dang, it's good to feel petite.)

Mystery Player #4.

And come to think of it, I'm not even sure this guy was a player. Judging from the smug grin, he may have come in off the street to have his picture taken with the tall, linebacker-armed broad who surely must have escaped from the circus.

On your mark. Get set. NAME!!!

What Happens in Cabo...Winds Up On YouTube

So, the big excitement in our lives? Last week's 5-night cruise to Mexico!! The highlights?

• Surprised Jason on the way to San Diego with a 16G iPod...already stocked with ALL his beloved music,
• Eating ourselves into oblivion,
• Being lulled to sleep by the sway of the boat like a baby with a belly full of dairy product...because soft-serve's on tap 24/7...
• Running miles into the salty sea air on a track atop a giant, ocean-going vessel (courtesy of the post-soft-serve guilt),
• SCUBA diving in Cabo San Lucas,
• Horseback riding in Ensenada,
• SLEEPING IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,
• Winning "Name That Tune" contests,
• Karaoke (...sober...I know...it happens sometimes),
• Dancing into the night,
• Hot-tubbing into the night,
• VERY unexpectedly winning karaoke contests to become Elvis and Madonna. See below.

Here's the proof and some other beauts.

The Griswold Family Truckster in Metallic Pea. Clark "Dub-ya" would be so proud. This honey was one sweet unit!!! Which brings me to my next sweet unit...

Wow. On so many levels, Wow. You know, I can't think of anything better to do with a Chevrolet Caprice and a few extra G's...oh wait...that's right...I CAN!!!!!!! Like ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT!!! Seriously. Imagine how many Reese's peanut butter cups that would buy!...But that's neither here nor there...

Some rich dude's yacht. Note the private helicopter teetering precariously on the back ledge/landing pad/champagne room. Rumor had it to be Jack Nicholas's or some dude from Texas. (I couldn't make out the last name on the parking decal hanging from the rear-view...)

Cabo's infamous "Arch." You may remember it from such films as "Pirates of the Caribbean."

Oh yeah. And The Black Pearl. Or Perrrrrl, depending upon your affinity for eye-patches. You may also remember it from such films as "Pirates of the Caribbean." It's dry-docked in Ensenada, where the movies were filmed.

Sea lion colony, in Cabo. Let me be the first to say: Them natives get restless when you wake 'em up! Stinky, gelatinous goofballs...

Lovers' Beach, in Cabo.

Lovers, in Cabo.


And the best part of this pic? Funny you should ask! We were standing in front of our favorite piece of artwork; a totally nude, spread-eagle broad who, judging by her outrageous black hair, must have belonged to an 80's glam metal band except she didn't have nearly enough tattoos confessing her love for Bret Michaels and/or David Coverdale. (If you don't know to whom I'm referring, you're too young to be enjoying this blog.)



J and me at dinner with my mom and dad (to the right) and our table buddies, Brenda and Pat.

J's inaugural horseback ride! Was it worth it? You be the judge by the view from our trail...


Yes, my friends, that is the ocean. We actually saw an entire school of dolphins, splashing around in fancy-free dolphin fashion, about 50' off the shore on our bus ride back to the boat.

And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for; presenting, Jason as Elvis and Mandie as Madonna (in the dressing room before the show). (Don't ask me to explain the fish lips. It can't be done.)
In case you've never cruised (and you should!), there's always a BIG production the last night in the biggest room with a live band and dancers and a big, funny, whole-shebang production, and this was it. We were fortunate enough to be a part in it, and it was a crack-up and a totally awesome experience.

I'm omitting pics of the costume because, let's face it -- was Madonna ever Sunday-appropriate? Not so much. Frankly, I'm too in love with my calling to be goin' down for some stinkin' costume.

You'll know we've truly let you into our Circle of Trust if you ever come over and are fortunate enough to behold the DVD of the whole hilarious event.

Enjoy! What to blog about next? My day with the Arizona Cardinals or the most craptastic love letter I ever received?! Oh, the choices.....

This Blog's For You

...Rachel Freakin' Maughan. Yes, that's right. I give up. Resistance is futile. (But under no circumstances does that make me French...so I'll just tuck in the white hanky that's peeking out of my pocket...)

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call Blogging Under Duress...and, coincidentally enough, one of my considered blog titles! Top-contending hum-dingers included but were not limited to:

• BlogworthyNonsense
• AllElseFailed
• LastResort
• and my personal fave runner-up, BedknobsAndBullcrap. (Shout-out to my dad. What up, D-2-thu-heezy?)

"Just why did she succumb to peer pressure," you ask? One friend's* plea should say it all.

"Now I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm 100% convinced that you need to start blogging. Top three reasons being:

1. Journaling Benefits
2. Overt child and self bragging rights
3. (and the most important) I would have to start doing laundry more than once a week (from the pant peeing) and then my husband wouldn't have to re-wear garment bottoms "'til I get to it!"

Here are the signatures I have on the petition so far:

• Steven Colbert
• Napoleon Dynamite
• Ellen DeGeneres
• John Mayer (he counts for 159 votes)
• Denny Crane (Boston Legal, if you don't watch this you should!)
• Jack Black
• Michael Scott (The Office, please tell me you watch this too?)
• Jasper Cullen
• Jackie Chan (I'm no racist!)
• Bernie Mac (I'm also not racist of dead people!)"

*Name omitted to protect the potentially humiliated.

Ya know, I seriously considered holding out for the signatures of Conan O'brien and Chuck Norris, but their respective representatives say they were A) too busy suppressing genetically defiant mall bangs, and B) searching far and wide for other impossible cultural phenomena to make mainstream (i.e. black, cowboy Texas Ranger sidekicks). Only Chuck Norris, I tell you.

I have to be honest, though. I'm blogging for three reasons.

1. Friends like Bobbie, Anya, Rachel and Brooke, who mysteriously give enough of a dang to digitally check in on my little family,
2. I fancy myself something of a comedienne (if you're into self-deprecating cynicism and the universe's wicked-aaahsome irony),
3. We had a lot to be proud of (/laugh about) last year that so many people missed!

To what am I referring? Well, you'll just have to keep checking in to find out...so stay tuned...how's that for a plot thickener?...dun-dun-daaaahhhhhhhh!