This Blog's For You

...Rachel Freakin' Maughan. Yes, that's right. I give up. Resistance is futile. (But under no circumstances does that make me French...so I'll just tuck in the white hanky that's peeking out of my pocket...)

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call Blogging Under Duress...and, coincidentally enough, one of my considered blog titles! Top-contending hum-dingers included but were not limited to:

• BlogworthyNonsense
• AllElseFailed
• LastResort
• and my personal fave runner-up, BedknobsAndBullcrap. (Shout-out to my dad. What up, D-2-thu-heezy?)

"Just why did she succumb to peer pressure," you ask? One friend's* plea should say it all.

"Now I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm 100% convinced that you need to start blogging. Top three reasons being:

1. Journaling Benefits
2. Overt child and self bragging rights
3. (and the most important) I would have to start doing laundry more than once a week (from the pant peeing) and then my husband wouldn't have to re-wear garment bottoms "'til I get to it!"

Here are the signatures I have on the petition so far:

• Steven Colbert
• Napoleon Dynamite
• Ellen DeGeneres
• John Mayer (he counts for 159 votes)
• Denny Crane (Boston Legal, if you don't watch this you should!)
• Jack Black
• Michael Scott (The Office, please tell me you watch this too?)
• Jasper Cullen
• Jackie Chan (I'm no racist!)
• Bernie Mac (I'm also not racist of dead people!)"

*Name omitted to protect the potentially humiliated.

Ya know, I seriously considered holding out for the signatures of Conan O'brien and Chuck Norris, but their respective representatives say they were A) too busy suppressing genetically defiant mall bangs, and B) searching far and wide for other impossible cultural phenomena to make mainstream (i.e. black, cowboy Texas Ranger sidekicks). Only Chuck Norris, I tell you.

I have to be honest, though. I'm blogging for three reasons.

1. Friends like Bobbie, Anya, Rachel and Brooke, who mysteriously give enough of a dang to digitally check in on my little family,
2. I fancy myself something of a comedienne (if you're into self-deprecating cynicism and the universe's wicked-aaahsome irony),
3. We had a lot to be proud of (/laugh about) last year that so many people missed!

To what am I referring? Well, you'll just have to keep checking in to find out...so stay tuned...how's that for a plot thickener?...dun-dun-daaaahhhhhhhh!